Topic: The Never Ending Story part 2 ( or Biddy's Revenge)

[Robin-Graves]

dove into the bowl of candy!
 But,,it turned out to beatrap meant for Biddy.
The bowl of candy ensnared poorMongo, and then vanished, appearing on the planet DUH!
 Mongo looked around and saw all the,,,

[Sophocles]

things in the universe that made it want to say MOOO: most noticeably the lack of any grass whatsoever, and, to add insult to injury, not one fencepost on which to scratch and relieve its itchy tits should the need arise.  Mongo was not happy. Mongo was raging. Then Mongo looked down.  Mongo was wearing odd socks.   "Duh!!" said Mongo

Mongo then asked itself why one minute its name had been Marnio, and then the next second Mongo?  The glowing blue radioactive cow suddenly realised that someone out there - perhaps a malefic and omnipotent Mephistopheles - was playing some kind of cruel joke.  And what were those blazing saddles doing on the horizon? 

Damn it thought Mongo (bovine previously known as Marnio) I'll have to... 

[Robin-Graves]

put up with another damned Mel Brooks movie!
Well this SUCKS! thought Marnio/Mongo the Cow.
 "Well, still got my trusty Swiss Army Knife with the newand improved Temporal Anomoly Creater feature"
 Marnio/Mongo activated his Temporal Anomoly Creater and walked through, reapearing just seconds before he as trapped in the candy trap. and most significantly before he was called Mongo.
 On with the Master Plan ,,,Revenge on Biddy et al.

It was time to,,,,,

exact his bovine revenge.
 Why it was revenge was still unknown,since Biddy et al did not even know that Marnio even existed.
 Biddy and company ,still sawing a hole into the giant anal probe , sudenly discovered a hatch for the giant batteries.
Opening the hatch,and removing the bateries,they discovered the source of the cries for help. It was a gayly dressed dwarf .
 The dwarf hopped out, and handed them a business card.
The card said: Casanunda,,,Famouse Lover,Highwayman,and Outrageous Liar.
 Biddy looked at the card and asked if this was true,and Casanunda replied " Ask your mother".
 Suddenly,,there was a bovine sized thunderclap as a blue cow entered the planets atmosphere at 7 timesthe speedof acaw fart. ( please excuseme,imlaughing myself insane).
 Biddy looked upand said,,,,,,,

 

[Sophocles]

witness the most peculiar sequence of events since that infamous half-wit of a malicious monkey dodged that flying shoe. 

<The camera pans out a bit so we can see all the central characters in one shot.  There is Mongo (pronounced Marnio), the glowing blue radioactive cow; the two Biddys, the younger one from this era, and the older one who has been sucked from the future into this time; and finally the mysterious Dwarf, Casanunda, who has enigmatically arrived on the scene after being violently extracted from a Terry Pratchett Discworld adventure and rescued from a giant anal probe(pronounced A-nol Pro-bay)> 


"You!!!!" said the cow.
"Did he say 'You' or 'Moo'?" asked older Biddy.
"I think he said shoe" said the Casanunda.
"Silence!!" said the Cow.  "You!!  You!!  You Biddy are going to die!!!"

With this Mongo (pronounced Marnio) let rip the most vicious fart ever witnessed by man, beast or dwarf.  Young Biddy sniffed a bit, turned the pallor of a rotting lemon and instantly died. 

"Oh wtf!!" said the remaining Biddy, "why'd you do that for?"
"Because" said the cow, "your terrible family ate my aunt, grandmother, sister and mother.  Not to mention stealing our milk and tipping us over when we were asleep; now I'm going to kill you too muhahahahahaha"

Mongo strained; ready to unleash another pyrotechnical masterpiece.  Alas, just before co2 could make egress out of anus, Casanunda stick his fork into the cow and began making some delicious burgers. 

But then, all of a sudden, the giant anal probe(pronounced A-nol Pro-bay) started to move again and...

[cz85b]

Knocked over the grill destroying at least half of the yummy Mongo (pronounced Marnio) burgers....

However, this was actually a really good thing, because there was some sort of Quantum doorway to an alternate reality..  It went PRECISELY to where one of the largest of Mongo's Farts happened to be lingering.   

Before the gas could kill anyone, the fire, from the grill ignited it and blasted the alternate dimension to oblivion!  What was fascinating was that nobody knew or cared about the loss of the Ikxissas race which managed to figure out the correct formula for ultimate sexual gratification, but hey If anyone else knew that, there would be

[Sophocles]

a stampede of pubic crabs demanding the vote, setting up unions and the inevitable genocide of trillions upon trillions of innocent merkins that populate the multiverse and beyond. 

Would you like to see this happen? 

Exactly.  So anyway, back to the story.  At the exact moment the entire Ikxissas race was kissing their asses and their pet pubic crabs au revoir, Biddy...   

[Robin-Graves]

looked at all the carnage around him,,all the trouble that had been caused just because of his life.
 Yes,,a sad moment for our hero.
Then,,an idea hit him like a greasy ball peen hammer!
Biddy decided to,,,,,

[Sophocles]

Pray.  Biddy flopped onto his haggard and weary knees, closed his eyes, clasped his hands together and began his reflective moment of supplication.
 
"Dear God.  Help me please.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just a figment of my own imagination.  Other times I feel like I am merely just some sort of muppet in a story who is suspended on the end of some strings; my wires being pulled by a depraved monster, and me being made to dance and flop about for cheap laughs and titillation.  So God, if you can hear my plea, please give me a sign, any sign!, and I promise that I will - from this day on - be a better person.  Amen.  P.S Thanks for the burgers, they tasted wicked!" 

Thereupon there was... 

[cz85b]

THUNDEROUS "drip" sound way off in the distance...  It turned out that there were multiple DEPRAVED monsters keen on cheap laughs and titillation.  Making Biddy dance and flop about was just an easy way to stop thinking about the petty annoyances of various

[Robin-Graves]

daily routines.
 There was a monster on two wheels known as CeeZee who was so fast,even the winds were jealous.
 There was one known as Sophacles, who was a Lord of insanity!
And the brute known to the spinning dirvishes of Howandaland as The Grave One, who would chalenge mere mortals to trials of bare handed combat!
 In the background were many more that pulled his strings during the past.
And standing above all of them,,the creater of this charade,the onewho is the creater of all Biddys sarrows, it was the one and only,,,,,

[Sophocles]

Bob.  Bob was a piece of sweetcorn unexpectedly discovered in the faecal matter of a clogged-up orangutan.  Bob ruled over CeeZEE, Sophocles, The Grave One, and all the rest with a brutal iron fist.  It then comes to no surprise when it is discovered that...   

[Robin-Graves]

had a crappy outlook on things.
Bob was angry.Bob was vicious. Bob was most foul!
He wanted nothing more than to make someones life as horrible as his.
I mean,whats more horrid than becoming a sentient being while in a constipated ape?
 Bob had this plan,and this plan wasnt world domination,it wasnt slavery of the human race,it wasnt even eliminating all life.
It was,,,,,,

[cz85b]

to be the puppet master of the puppet master monsters! <the evil laughing was caught as some mucus like slime invaded his airways causing Bob to Choke> 

Now people would wonder how a being like Bob could do such things...  I mean with the invention of the microwave Oven...

[Sophocles]

the wheel, the Sinclair C5 and the flushing toilet, well... well, it just makes you ask why?  Why indeed...

To answer this question we have to take a brief look at Bob's early life as a piece of sweetcorn that has just been freshly squeezed out of an orangutan's flaming anus. 

Bob had got frisky, and a burning desire to shag the half digested banana that sat festering alongside him overtook him. The banana callously spurned Bob's clumsy advances.  Consequently, this insensitive rebuff psychologically scared Bob for life and it is the very reason why... 

[Robin-Graves]

Bob had a feeling of self loathing. This causedhimto hate everything else,andwant to make things hate thierown lives. RE Biddy.
 It wasnt that Biddy did anything wrong,or even thought bad thoughts.
He just didnt like Biddy,and decided to practice his arts by making Biddy have the most disturbing life in the universe.
This in itself gave Bob plenty of oportunity to mastermind plots within plots and influence events just things happened just right.
All except this,,this was unforseen. This is something Bob had no control over.
This was a major shock to Bob's system. How dare a mere mortal,, a DOG of all things,change his mechanations?
 The whole time all the horrors of the abyss were appearing ,and Bob roiledin hisown impotent anger,Biddy just,,,,,,,