So far
1) Won't Boot from USB stick
2) Won't boot from ubuntu DVD
I tested the DVD on my machine before putting it in his laptop.
Checked his with audio CD and movie DVD, both read fine, so it's not the drive shitting on me.
He wants to jump ship from XP out of panic. He's been spooked, and he's not going to unspook. The machine does not meet the memory requirements for 7 (he's got 640), plus there were several unresolvable driver issues.
I'm thinking of modifying the ubuntu ISO to skim a few files off so it will burn to CD-r. I have a weird feeling something in his bios is rejecting boot dvd.
This is already in beer territory, I'd share with you if I could dan.
If I could I'd buy him one of those baby tablets from toys r us and say to hell with it, but I have no doubt he will reject a tablet.
He never really got over the fact that the 1970's ended. This laptop was a gift from a friend out of pity many years ago. I duct taped the speaker grills on for him when they rusted out.
Sometimes I feel bad for the guy, as he likely has an undiagnosed mental illness. So I do what I can, and hope for the best.
[UPDATE]
The bless'ed thing won't read burned disks. I'll try hitting it with compressed air tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure this is a permafucked thing.