Author Topic: Drunken Forewich  (Read 4217 times)

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Offline 8ullfrog

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Drunken Forewich
« on: August 03, 2013, 05:52:38 AM »
You will need


Margarine. Gold n' soft. Why? Because my roomate steals any other brand, but treats Goldn n' soft like rat poison. Very lightly against the bread. Outside edge. Inner edge will golly things up.

Cheap white bread (Otherwise the sandwich will not fall apart right)

Expensive cheddar. Why? Because. You'll only need one slice per sandwich.

Fresh tomato. Growing your own will make this sandwich so much better, otherwise try to get a large one, I sliced up like three mediums for each sandwich.

One white onion. I chop the bottom off to make slicing easier. Slice it thin as hell. The onion is an accent, not a filler.

1/2 avocado. I'm light. Sue me.

mayo. I'm really not
sure how much mayo was in each sandwich, but I am sure that it was essential for flavor.

Seriously, not bless'ed with you. You want the mayo.


This really should be a BLT, but I was drunk and lazy. What's worse? I had the bacon AND the lettuce. Even binned out nice and easy for sandwich prep. Damn it.

But golly it. Drunk cooking misses steps by design.

Also, bacon will hurt you while drunk, best stick to basics. Maybe slice the veggies beforehand?


So, butter the outside edges of the bread. This makes it gooey and fall aparty, which is required.

REQUIRED.

Next, Cheddar. This goes on bottom. If we were doing this right it would be bacon, cheese, lettuce, but we fail here.

Next, onion. Sliced like a ninja. What the golly?

Next, tomato. Also ninja sliced. Still have both hands? Good.

Next use a spreading knife to apply the avocado with extreme violence. Treat the avocado as if it owes you money. It's meant to be a liquid, yet it insults you with it's solid nature.

Rinse knife, apply mayo.

Butter the other side of the bread.

By now the foreman has sat plugged in and abandoned for quite a time. Crack a beer, you've earned it chef!

Foreman grill now worrying you with alarming popping noises? Time to apply sandwich.

Burn it. It's going to fall apart anyway, might as well be caramelized.

Part of your sandwich will fall apart. Sucks, but since you're drunk, you won't care.

Use serrated blade to slice sandwich, plate. Mine is like two feet long and scares people. golly em, it's an awesome knife, and is great with veggies and sandwiches.

Everyone will insult your sober cooking compared to this. Maybe I should take anti-anxiety meds. Either way, the sandwich will rock.

Serve to errrybody. I guess not vegans because eggs, and the cheese. But if you're hanging out with vegans, you've bent up anyway.

Offline 6pairsofshoes

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Re: Drunken Forewich
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2013, 12:03:35 AM »
That sounds  tasty.

I attack avocados with a pastry blender.  It cannot resist.  Too many tines.  Liquify its ass.

Offline mishca09

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Re: Drunken Forewich
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2013, 11:16:01 AM »
rob deyreck sp? celebrity skater said he is pitching a new show to mtv about drunk people that make interesting food dishes while drunk that they normal wouldn't think of when sober or eat when sober.

Offline xtopave

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Re: Drunken Forewich
« Reply #3 on: August 24, 2013, 03:35:21 PM »
rob deyreck sp? celebrity skater said he is pitching a new show to mtv about drunk people that make interesting food dishes while drunk that they normal wouldn't think of when sober or eat when sober.

Those dishes can't be worse than some of the crazy poo done in those fancy gourmet channels.  :D

Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: Drunken Forewich
« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2013, 10:03:27 PM »
If I met that guy I'd have to punch him.

Offline 6pairsofshoes

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Re: Drunken Forewich
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2013, 01:06:30 AM »
Allow me to introduce you to My Drunk Kitchen:


Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: Drunken Forewich
« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2013, 05:23:03 PM »
So the drunk can't handle knives, but a hot stove, can edges, and stupidly topping a pot with a plate are A-OK.

A couple more bones to pick. People who think turkey is an acceptable meat substitute are the same kind of people who buy those lousy blue corn chips.

I'm actually kinda surprised I haven't removed a finger or burned the poo out of myself yet.