Author Topic: Friday the 13th - 7  (Read 399 times)

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Offline 8ullfrog

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Friday the 13th - 7
« on: November 19, 2019, 05:07:53 AM »
7

This one starts with a recap. Are movies allowed to do that? I mean, I've seen it before, but it makes the movie seem like a TV series.

Previously, on Camp Blood:

I do admire the stark white credits, they might do stupid animations for the opener, but the credits remain professional.

Some dumpy ass mansion with a nice dock has apparently sprung up on Crystal Lake.

Not Carrie kills her abusive father by shaking the dock apart. WITH HER MIND

She decides not to kill him after it is too late. What a poo.

FAST FORWARD TO TEENAGERY

Wow, I forgot how bitchy Knock-off Carrie was, she's quite rude.

Doctor Dipshit tries to get her to do parlour tricks on camera. I feel like a remake would stick this poo on youtube. I think one of the disavowed halloween sequels did that. Also think Busta Rhymes was in that one?

Ok, the dipshit doctor blocks the camera and badgers knock off carrie to move a matchbook. Like, I think this was more just a factor of his ass being in front of the camera, but it could be a clever nod at there being no real "proof" of telekinesis. I don't think that's what's going on.

They pulled the "speak english" trope.

Wow, they really eased her in. Dead dad, dead dad's coat, dead dad's stupid train models.

Looks like the dock was rebuilt, along with mood lighting.

Honestly, Crystal Lake has been portrayed by many lakes, but this is the "wrong" dock.

Like, I think they got it right in Freddy V Jason, but they didn't do too great a job here.

Speaking of not doing a great job, Kirkland brand Carrie wakes ol' hockey mask up. I don't think he's too happy.

The exposed spine makes him look somewhat lizardy.

I like the cars and living interiors in these movies, it's like a time capsule. For instance, the shitty faux lamps that have a switch on the bottom I had at my last house.

They were really shitty, the knobs stripped like you wouldn't believe, and the replacement knobs were plastic, when the original were brass.

No wonder they stripped.

Everyone has fat 80's hair, it's 88. Doors are awash in avocado.

Hah, a woman walking with an ice chest has my old one! Coleman makes good stuff.

Didn't save her from MACHETE THROAT! (Apparently this was a tent stake, I apologize)

Whomever was on continuity for "the woods" did a way better job than whomever was on lake duty, it looks like we're at same old.

huh, the sleeping bag kill predates JASON: X

Seems like a rehash of 4, random fuckos in a cabin getting ganked. Like, that's 1/2 the movie. I don't think we ever even give a poo about these stupid teens. They all die, as per.

We get some lame psycho powers and the crapsack mansion explodes.

Denim dude and knock-off Carrie are the final survivors.

Great Value Carrie summons her dad to fight Jason, who drags his ass back into the lake.

I guess we're out of the Tommy Jarvis state of the Friday the 13th films.

This one wasn't as bad as I thought it was, but was in no way good. It is fun to see old stuff, but it's not much of a movie.

Apparently this one was filmed in Alabama, getting pretty far from your roots, Jason!

Other than that, Wikipedia said this was supposed to be a highbrow version of the series. Mission Failed!
just one little time change so a draft board in 1968 turns down the bribe to accept "bone spurs" and we are home-free.

Offline 6pairsofshoes

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Re: Friday the 13th - 7
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2019, 11:06:35 AM »
the cars always look like really well-kept old cars, missing the point that in their day cars looked new but used, not really well-kept.

This is a problem in the entertainment industry generally.  I guess the owners of these antique cars can't bear to have even a thimble full of mud splashed on the fenders, lest they bust a gut over the potential wear to the finish.

8ully, I will never watch this movie, but I so enjoyed your recap of it.  I was laughing out loud over the descriptions, particularly "Kirkland" and "Great Value" Carrie.  But is this a Costco knockoff or a WalMart one?  There's a small order of class difference here.

Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: Friday the 13th - 7
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2019, 10:23:57 PM »
I meant to change it up every time and write a longer review, but I forgot and the movie sucked. I think I left ā€¯president's chpiceā€¯ and ā€¯RC colaā€¯ Carrie in the bag.
just one little time change so a draft board in 1968 turns down the bribe to accept "bone spurs" and we are home-free.

Offline 6pairsofshoes

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Re: Friday the 13th - 7
« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2019, 06:50:53 PM »
Signature Select Carrie is waiting in the wings.

Someone should make a horror movie about Black Friday.  I've been getting so many emails, kind of like fluffers in a porn movie, to get me all amped up about going shopping the day after Thanksgiving.  Frankly, I'd be happy to go for a walk and enjoy nice weather instead.

Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: Friday the 13th - 7
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2019, 07:04:08 PM »
I'm sure I've seen one, but it was of the lousy zero budget variety, typical zombie schlock.

So, I've got two left here, Jason takes a cruise, and Jason is sold to a different movie studio. I've never actually watched 9, but I've heard it's batshit.

I think I'm avoiding the psychic pain of 8. It's... very bad. So bad Paramount sold the franchise. One thing I did find interesting was the interference the later films got after... V I think it was? That was the film that drew the ire of the MPAA. I understand the director had previously been known for making pornos, and it is the FT13 with the most nudity.

I mean there's also Jason X and Freddie vs. Jason, which was SUPPOSED to be Pt. 7, but fell through. That's how we got Tina, she was literally a stand in.

...but I don't want to watch those ones. I dunno if I'm up to doing Elm Street, but if I do, it will be ONE THREAD.
just one little time change so a draft board in 1968 turns down the bribe to accept "bone spurs" and we are home-free.