Author Topic: Great British Bake off Bi-  (Read 2139 times)

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Offline 8ullfrog

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Great British Bake off Bi-
« on: October 12, 2022, 12:00:04 AM »
tching.

Why do youtubers hate micro usb? Nothing to do with the topic at hand, but they really hate it. They all demand Type C.

Mexican week finally got me to watch the Great British Bake-off, and I was quite displeased with it.

The first bit is they introduce the same cowpoo "Time limit" most food competition shows do. It's an artificial deadline most shows use to induce anxiety and kick the poor cooks when they're down.

  I can understand an actual time limit, as you've got to plate your food and serve the customer in a reasonable amount of time, but baking is not a quick affair. They even acknowledge this in the show, saying they have to proof their dough immediately for it to be done in time. Which means the bakers are set up to fail. So much for being the friendly cooking show.

The bearded judge Paul is instantly a bully, and I automatically hate him. He should piss off to a dank pub and stay there for good, I don't want to hear anything else from him.

The contestants are entirely clueless and instantly latch on to pan dolces, which I honestly think are dull. Concha can jog off if I can get pan elote instead.

Sure enough, they're nearly all doing Concha.

None of them do Pan Elote, which would have taken 45 minutes, the numpties.

One contestant does use corn as inspiration, but it's mexican food through the eyes of a visitor from space. They get most of the details right, but there is an unsettling wrongness to the affair. This goes for all the contestants.

She knew about Tequila though, which is making this show more tolerable. No shot game here, I'd be dead before the end of the episode.

Besos are essentially jelly filled Concha. Way to branch out Abdul. A Jelly Donut.

Paul continues to be a watery poo with an "I've just returned from Mexico".

I did learn the upper crusty bit is called Craquelin, so I guess I've learned something today. (Not much of a baker) That part always reminded me of cupcakes, where you don't really want the rest of the thing once you've ate the good part.

Carole talks straight out of her ass, pretending she has any clue what she's doing. ANUS PAN

All of these people just googled the recipes. Which, fair enough, I do all the time. But at least I don't pretend I know best.

Dawn at least appears willing to leave her comfort zone to make dark chocolate and chilli Conchas, but perhaps she shouldn't have, as once again we run into the space alien problem. Has this woman never consumed a pepper in her life?

I had a chocolate bar made with peppers once. Didn't care for it much, but it was nicely spicy. It was the chocolate that was lacking.

Kevin appears to be an absolute dipshit, making a complicated filling for his concha, which he is almost certain to have fouled up somehow. Absolutely none of these people are taking the safe route.

The contestants are crap to each other over their under-proofed dough.

They all over focus on their fussy little decorative bits.

The hosts continue to be irritants.

Janusz made little golf courses on top of his buns and is criticized for using flour. Not sure what bottom Paul was getting at there.

Sandro didn't go nuts with the decorative poo but suffered from the time limit. The Judges were fussy turds.

Rebs Made basic white girl rolls. Why did vocal fry cross the pond? The judges hated her rolls.

James made stupid little oysters on the top, which the judges instantly discarded. They hated his rolls but liked his topping.

Carole was torn apart by the judges. They made a point of pronouncing anise pretentiously.

Abdul's cakes are ugly, but he clearly put a lot of time in getting there. I'm not a fan of coconut, so they might as well be coated in mulch.

Syabira seems to be the only contestant that had fun with the challenge, and the judges tear her a new one for it.

I've never had corn custard, that's an idea for later.

Maxy's conchas are orange. Very orange. These look the most authentic I've seen on the show. She is not berated by the assholes.

Dawn doesn't really get a review of her own, Paul is still running his mouth about stupid domes. They liked the filling.

Kevin's fusspots nearly passed inspection, aside from the STUPID LACK OF PROOFING TIME.


The Technical -


The Technical was what seemed to light the internet on fire. It's unsurprising that Paul set the challenge.

TACK-OS

Why the golly are they putting beans in?

Pico de GALLOW

damn hell!

Tortilla.
Meat.
Sauce.
lettuce.
Cheese.
FOLD.

He says he'll ding them if the fillings spill out, I often eat tacos over the sink because I stuff the hell out of them!

The contestants act like they're lost in the bless'ed woods!


the hosts continue to be irritants.

GWAK A MOLE

Marinade the steak. Gee, sure wouldn't want to marinate then.

OREY GANO

I thought the Scots liked spicy, why the golly would you go light on ancho chile? IT'S bless'ed ANCHO! THAT MEANS SUBTLE!

They all think they have to be skint on spices, when you should go nuts!

Gallow
Gally-oh

THANK YOU, DAWN. Pico de gallo is indeed salsa.

Who the golly deseeds a tomato? I'm guessing Paul set that rule.

To make refried beans, Squish beans, bring to heat. DO NOT ADD bless'ed COCONUT MILK
spice to taste.

Honestly, I don't care for black refried beans, I go pinto.

The fact these bakers were all defeated by beans is honestly frightening. EXPERIMENT!

"I like, blitz the avocadohhhhhhh"

Why in the poo are they acting like tortillas are abstract?

None of them use oil. Dafuq? I honestly expected them all to end up with burned tostada.

Carole makes the least poo steak, but instantly disqualifies herself for saing Glocky-Molow. Neat gamertag though.

I do find it interesting that Sandro recognized what his problem would be from the start, Tacodamas.

I felt bad for Dawn, despite her racism her tacos were quite authentic looking. The flavor was right, and that's what REALLY counts with a taco.

Carole: the fussy judge Prude says too much spice. NO SUCH THING IN A TACO.

I'm a bit too worked up to watch the second half, the tacos were quite enough for me.

Here's a cleanse:

Offline 6pairsofshoes

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Re: Great British Bake off Bi-
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2022, 09:11:32 AM »
We used to watch regularly.  But we haven't seen it since it switched channels and changed support staff.  Mary Berry wasn't happy with the way this was done.  She's gone.  My general take is that it's better to bake something yourself.

I've been experimenting with new muffin recipes.  That's about it.  Not anything interesting in the way of thematic constructions or anything, just an effort to use up surplus food that is sitting around, like I ended up w/too many carrots, etc.  I have yet to find the best use for frozen blueberries and cherries.  I'm still seeking good muffin recipes for those.  Meanwhile, we are back to cream scones.  Our new fridge has started freezing everything on the top shelf, including the heavy cream, so that's been a challenge, prying that out and working it into dough.  It's harder to get it to a point where it's liquid enough, but the scones have been fabulous lately.

I'm gonna put one in the oven to reheat now and put the most recent batch of apple jelly on it.  (This is from local trees of neighbors who had too many apples or just didn't want to be bothered.) Have a good day.