Author Topic: Impossible Whopper.  (Read 3775 times)

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Offline 8ullfrog

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Impossible Whopper.
« on: September 01, 2019, 06:11:42 PM »
I won't lie, this has been my white whale for a bit. Every time I call my local BK, they say they don't have it. I've been pretty sure they're lying for like, two weeks, but my mom was scootering up that way to visit a friend.

So I wrote out an order slip, and she executed the fire mission, or whatever the call of duty terminology is now.

BK sack - first, I'm not a fan of the price, dang.

Next thought, they fixed the fries. They're not lousy anymore.

Next, two whoppers purchased, one impossible, the other regular.

buns look the same, probably are.

Patty looks legit, maybe a little neater than the meat one. Visually, identical to meat, if a bit more disc like than the other one.

Patty is super savory, tastes like soy sauce, I like it. I didn't think I would.

Less like soy sauce on subsequent bites, this is blowing my mind. Like at worst, I'd describe this as a dry hamburger.

To be fair, you've got all the other elements of a burger to contend with, the mayonnaise, the lettuce, the onion, the tomato, the ketchup. I'd eat another right now. And meat is probably my primary choice, as far as food goes.

My main complaint about making burgers at home is fitting everything on the bun, but in this case it was wrapped for me before I ever saw it.

This is definitely Burger King. Every chain has it's signature flavor, and it's certainly present here, despite the burger patty being something different.

 this does not taste like a standard, vegetarian filler burger, it tastes like meat.

Texture is legit, I kept looking, every bite, but it was legit.

My guess is most of the people saying they tried it, were flat out lying.

Honestly, choking down the real whopper was the challenge. I probably ate like, 3000 calories. Just because it felt stupidly important to me.

Why? I don't know.

Would I swap these burgers to save the amazon? In a heartbeat.

Hell, I'd swap these burgers if "Beyond" meat was half the price of regular ground beef. It would save the world.

Offline 6pairsofshoes

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Re: Impossible Whopper.
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2019, 09:30:09 AM »
Thanks for the review, 8ully.

Impossible Foods make the burgers and they use a mixture of soy and potato proteins.  I haven't tried them, but it is the kind of thing that would make me consider eating at a chain that I've avoided for decades because I simply don't eat red meat.  The Beyond Meat products use pea proteins.  I've eaten theirs and they're basically good, but pretty expensive.  I'm on their mailing list (email) so they send me monthly coupons to print for a buck off.  That helps, but our freezer is only so big. 

Quorn is our favorite.  They use mycoproteins derived from mushrooms/fungi.  That reminds me of a bad Japanese horror movie called "Attack of the Mushroom People."  I keep reading about the various fungus based curries they eat in episodes of The Expanse.  If you were living on an asteroid pretty far removed from the sun and had to rely on artificial light to grow food, this would be a reasonable source of nutrients, I suspect.

The Morningstar Farms spicy black bean burgers are good.  I find many of these products, especially the bean based burgers, kind of expensive and think it wouldn't be that hard to come up with your own recipe.  I mean how hard is it to open a can of beans and throw in a little quinoa or bulgur as a binder?  We occasionally get Boca Burgers, but they're not particularly inspiring.  I like that it's easy to throw together a quick lunch with these things.  So I will often eat a Quorn burger for lunch.  Right now we are eating tomatoes as the garden is coming on so that's a great thing.

Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: Impossible Whopper.
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2019, 10:13:24 AM »
I despise quorn. It has the consistency of eggs, and the flavor of what I imagine burnt tires would taste like. I sneer in it's general direction. I've never been a fan of mushrooms, that's probably why I dislike it. Nasty stem-y jello.

The bean burgers were what made me suspect the "mealy" description one person put up was legit. It wasn't. That guy straight up lied and didn't even try one.

The first bite, yeah, I got the soy profile. Beyond that? It tasted like a whopper.

I also despise Quinoa. Saying despise is fun, I picture Teal'c when I say it. "I despise the false gods".  That garbage may as well be spider eggs with how quick I am to consume it.

My mom got several boxes of something called maq and cheese. I believe I have reviewed their repulsiveness effectively. If not, I hate it, and I'm glad it was on clearance.

Faux foods need to bring their A-game. If they're disappointing, the company putting them out should fold. They failed in the first step.

I still remember how angry the Penn & Teller episode about genetically modified food made me. I understand Penn is now an "ethical vegan".

They did make a joke in the episode on how all the meat eaters had a gut, and that's somewhat alarming. Nobody wants a gut in America.

I have not tried a beyond burger. Much like I was misled on the impossible whopper, I have heard it tastes like blood. Can't say that's a major selling point, but once again, the person who told me that could easily be a liar.

Morning star and boca can eat poo. Never again.

Offline 6pairsofshoes

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Re: Impossible Whopper.
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2019, 01:37:20 PM »
Beyond Burgers are pretty burger like.  I think they use something like beet extract for color.  The effect is lost on me.  I will eat them and think they're basically good, but the cost usually puts me off.  I've used their chicken strips in stir frys and they're also good, but I'd be just as happy with tofu.

Quorn is not everyone's cup of tea.  But I love mushrooms. I expect that if you find them repulsive then Quorn won't be for you.  I use quinoa as a substitute for bulgur often.  It's got lots of nutrients and proteins so it's good for a dietary supplement.  We sometimes cook it with a chicken bouillon cube for flavor and have ratatouille over it with some grated pecorino romano.

Much of this is a matter of taste and foodways.  I grew up eating lots of vegetables because my parents had a large garden.  My mother hated mushrooms so I was lucky if she would get a can of them.  Gak.  When I had my first fresh mushroom it was a revelation.  I adore them.  My tomatoes are coming on and I had to spread some Sluggo out over the ground as the damned snails were helping themselves.  Snails tree rats and opossums.  So much competition for the fruits of my labor around here.  I always grow enough to feed the neighbors.  It helps with community relations.

Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: Impossible Whopper.
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2019, 04:35:42 PM »
My mom hates snails so much.

as to community, there is an old meme about lemon stealing whores!

specifically, whores sneak up and steal lemons when no one is looking.

It's actually pretty funny. The man opines that they must be vigilant against the lemon stealing whores while one is stuffing her bra with lemons.

His wife  also says something along the lines of "Hey, have we checked our lemon tree in the last 10 seconds?" Cue porno.

I imagine that isn't anything like your vegetable garden.


Also, it has nothing to do with the impossible whopper.

The "Free whopper" coupon that came with it is pretty insulting though.


First, you have to complete a survey in 48 hours, Jack in the box gives you the wider 72 hour margin. Honestly, they must think their customers have a short memory.

Next, you have to buy a whopper, a side and a drink. I don't mind half of that. I love fast food fries, and apparently Burger King "Unfucked" their fries. They taste pretty good.

But that's a pretty imperious demand. First, I have to buy a full price whopper, and cheese is always extra price these days. Next, I have to buy a side AND a drink.

I don't want a drink at a fast food place, there are exposes about this.

ALSO, you can only redeem this offer once every 30 days.

My last burger king transaction was in 2015, so I'm probably in the clear, but I remember they were assholes about this back in 2010.

See back then, it was straight up Bogo, without any pesky limits. So I did that constantly. I didn't have a lot of money, and I was working manual labor, so those fatty burgers really filled the tank. They also weren't six bless'ed dollars back then. That's a lot for a fast food burger.

And then some officious manager golly blocked me from doing it anymore. So I just went in when he wasn't around. golly him, and golly his ban.

Anyway, that's why I didn't eat burger king between 2010 and 2015. I didn't even want to look at a whopper in that timeframe.