Author Topic: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.  (Read 9891 times)

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Offline 8ullfrog

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The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« on: January 07, 2013, 05:08:23 PM »
Yes. Again. I'd very much like to live on my own out in the middle of nowhere, but that just isn't an option.

So I've got another roommate, and like every other one before, he is whacked. Not quite right, few bricks short a wall.

We'll call this volume 13, for the year. And to do so, we'll wipe the slate and all of 2012's craziness.

I've been fixing up the bathroom, as it was kind of a shithole. I replaced the rollers on the sliding glass door, since one of the wheels was missing, and the rest date to the 1970's. I also did a deep calcium scrub to get rid of the orange. There's still a ton of work to be done on the tub enclosure, but I'm confident that when finished the bathroom can look very nice. I'm also considering replacing the toilet seat. The toilet is a rounded model, the toilet seat is an oval. This causes issues.

The shower door handles were snapped off and overtightened. In addition calcium adhered them to the door. I've CLR'd it, but I'm fairly sure I'm going to have to use an extractor on it. His suggestion? Drill another hole in the door and put another handle on top of the old one. Not covering, just an additional handle. I said that was beyond retarded and he got very huffy.

Yesterday I took him to walmart to buy food, since he is afraid of driving his car. That's right. Single cloud in the sky and he needs a chauffeur. Ironically, he drives a shuttle van as an occupation. Go figure.

We arrive at walmart and he's making assorted racist comments, so I act like I'm not there with him. He required assistance finding and selecting bread. Now I can understand a first time food shopper being a little overwhelmed, but he'll be 50 this year. By 50, I hope that I will have learned everything I need to know about bread. Encyclopedic knowledge. Categorized by crust.

 He started whining that there was no sourdough. I pointed out that we were at WALMART, not breadotopia. He stood there helplessly, looking much like a lost child. I asked him if he was going to grill the bread, he said grilling bread is for a slur towards homosexuals. (My most common lunch is a grilled cheese.) I asked him what he was going to do with the bread, and he said PB&J. I pointed at the wheat, he didn't want wheat. I pointed out white, he refused white. I pointed at potato, and he said he'd never had potato bread. I told him it was fine for peanut butter and jelly. He bought butter and commited a fairly common roommate foul, brand matching. Brand matching is done by frugal roommates in an "OOPS, I thought it was mine" gambit. So I'll be switching brands. Not a huge deal, seen it before, but he ain't slick. He bought bargain peanut butter, but no jelly. I mentioned this and he said he had some at home. I shrugged it off and we checked out. He paid in coins. $13 in coins.

We get home and he makes three peanut butter and butter sandwiches. I grabbed a beer and lurked in the kitchen to prevent clever sneaks, and it worked. He followed up the three sandwiches with two butter burritos (Tortilla and butter). He seemed a bit put out by my enjoying my beer in the kitchen.

Today I picked up a few veggies for burritos tonight, and when I got home I did a little fridge jenga. Turns out he DOES have jelly! It's crystalized and expired in october, but I'm fairly sure he'll hold on to it for quite a while yet.

About my only other problem with the wookie today is that he pulls the "garbage pyramid gambit", which is where you don't want to take the garbage out so you just pile it up. I empty the garbage every morning, but somehow, a new pyramid is waiting for me every morning. Our outside garbage is two steps from the front door.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for being an outlet.

Offline xtopave

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2013, 05:35:14 PM »
Yesterday I took him to walmart to buy food, since he is afraid of driving his car. That's right. Single cloud in the sky and he needs a chauffeur. Ironically, he drives a shuttle van as an occupation. Go figure.

This is epic!

Sorry 8ullfrog but I'm LMAO!!  ;D

You should start looking for a new roommate: with that diet he's going to die very soon.  :D

Offline mishca09

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2013, 06:06:54 PM »
 sounds like you should charge extra for shopping assistance and chauffeur services. where do you look for roommates on craigslist?I can't imagine any one having so many bad roommate experiences.

Offline dweez

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2013, 06:11:09 PM »
He paid for his food in coins?  How does he pay for rent?  Or, let me guess, it's his house, left to him from a passed parent/relative?
--dweez

Offline SACPOP

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2013, 06:30:03 PM »
His suggestion? Drill another hole in the door and put another handle on top of the old one. Not covering, just an additional handle. I said that was beyond retarded and he got very huffy.

His suggestion was definitely retarded. That drives me crazy when I see something like that at a friend's house.
Even it takes a little longer, at least fix the handle properly, don't just throw some half-assed jury-rigged nonsense together and call it a day. It's nice that understand that you have to live there and you don't want it to look like a poo hole. Your roommate doesn't seem to quite "get" that.

Offline Autumn

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2013, 11:34:07 PM »
Oh how I have missed your tales of the weaker minded folk you come across.

Dude is 50 and doesn't know what bread he likes? Insane.

Offline 6pairsofshoes

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2013, 12:21:11 AM »
Where do you find these people?

If the jelly is crystalized, a short visit to the microwave will sort that out.  It's just the sugar in it, and as the jelly was made under high heat, the microwave will make it like new.  Maybe it will keep this guy away from your butter.  Butter and peanut butter sandwiches?  Sounds like he has a death wish.  And sourdough doesn't really work with pb&j.  Tell him to pick up some cheap english muffins instead.

Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2013, 01:07:58 AM »
Pretty sure he eats out most of the time. He makes a good wage, but is always complaining about being broke. He's not paying child support or anything, so it's a mystery why he is always broke.

Offline Autumn

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #8 on: January 08, 2013, 02:11:21 AM »
Eating fast food or at restaurants gets very expensive when it's a habit.

Offline mishca09

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2013, 02:16:27 AM »
Maybe he spends it on beanie babies or porn.

Offline 6pairsofshoes

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2013, 03:35:47 AM »
Or cheap hookers.

Offline brickbatz

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2013, 05:52:39 AM »
Have you tried a woman roommate yet?

Offline dweez

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2013, 07:01:41 AM »
I've been fixing up the bathroom, as it was kind of a shithole.

That is sort of the point.

Ok, I had to save both quotes for posterity.
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Offline ohcheap1

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2013, 08:59:38 AM »
Have you tried a woman roommate yet?
Probably not because then HE would be the weird one.

Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: The Roommate Chronicles: Vol 13.
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2013, 06:39:54 PM »
Had two female roommates at the old house, first one "Decided" when she would pay rent and how much. I had bills to pay. Well... bye. Second one was a fully carded peta member who broke the living room computer and decided I couldn't eat meat any more. Well... bye.

To be fair, I was on a fairly meat based diet at the time, lost 30 pounds too. FOREMAN GRILL, you are my fitness instructor. Wasn't a passive aggressive thing though, I was on the diet before she moved in. She said it wasn't a problem when she moved in, but changed her mind. I don't respond to Ultimatums. Ever. Making an ultimatum to my face is a good way to guarantee you will not get what you want.

We've got a shitty break room microwave at the house. Part of me says roomie doesn't give a poo, other part says he wants us to cave and buy one. That isn't happening.

Today had an incident that implies that he very much knows it's a shitbox microwave. He removes a part of the heater when he goes to work at 4 AM, so I went out and bought a space heater for my mom.

 He came home today while it was running and started bitching about the cost, saying it's
1500 W. When I had previously mentioned that the break room microwave was 600 w and wasn't even good enough to heat soup, he played wattage dummy like he didn't understand what that was. Needless to say I do a lot of stove and oven cooking now.

His "Sudden" laser sharp wattage rating on the space heater shows that he understands EXACTLY what wattage is.

And yes, that was the EXACT wattage the little thing draws.

He also called me a toilet paper nazi because I stopped putting it in the hall closet. The man goes through more toilet paper than my mom, and she's a woman.