Author Topic: Friday the 13th - 8  (Read 802 times)

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Offline 8ullfrog

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Friday the 13th - 8
« on: November 22, 2019, 02:01:42 AM »
Jason takes a cruise.

The title of the film is "Jason takes Manhattan" but it may as well have been "Jason takes tropes of Manhattan". The major stand-in here is Vancouver. That's right, those bastardly invading Canadians, standing in for the more expensive, permit greedy NYC.

As far as I can tell, one scene was filmed in times square, the rest, OH CANADA.

I think the poster to this film may have been my first exposure to the franchise. In 89, I was a munchkin, and wondered why the guy in the hockey mask had a knife.

That's probably for the best, I actually saw Chucky 2 when I was... four I think? That move messed with my head.

This movie was so bad it killed the franchise and the series was sold to New Line. No more Paramount Mountain.

Honestly, I always found the new line logo a bit more sinister. Screen Gems is kinda creepy too.

1:40 - FUUUUUUUUUCK this is going to be a long movie.

The original boat is a lot like the boat I lived on when I was a baby, but the rear area was two sleeping areas instead of one.

The two teenagers die fairly quickly, then we're on to the cruise ship.

We've got ourselves an admiral here. One wonders if he is self appointed.

Honestly, a lot of these films I want to know how things would go without the murder monster. I can't tell if that means there was a better movie somewhere, or if it's just a good pitch for murdertown.

Pat Benatar wannabe dies pretty quick, guitar decap.

The deckhand weirdo is pretty creepy.

The addition of the dog seems cheap, but this is pre "does the dog live" era, being from 1988.

We get Jason cowpoo, the dog is NOT amused.

Smart dog.

We see a lot of extras who will get no chracterization. Like seriously, not even onscreen death.

The required dame character talks the Asian on scholarship into doing coke.

I like the shitty wood panel boat, but I've been reliably told I have no taste.

Oh gross, the skeletor principal wants to bone the dame student.

Shitboat has a sauna. That can't result in grusome murder in any way.

I mean, there were implied murders in the game room, but we didn't get to see anything.

Sauna dude gets set on fire... internally. I'm not sure anyone has the fires of hell in their torso, but I'm no doctor.

Honestly, the movie is poo, it's like they intentionally made a bad film to kill the series.

Sinks run red with blood, that's not a good cruise feature.

Jason turns one of the mirrors to an interdimensional portal, that sounds like poo too.

Where is this ship chartered out of, Sunnydale?

The predictable blackmail plot with camera douche and the dame student happens, I almost expected another non-jason kill here, the principal totally could have killed the two dipshits.

N/M, Jason booked a date with the dame. Her only character notes were "blackmail" "madam" "throws final girl overboard" That may as well be a suicide note here.
It's a short date.

Admiral dipshit steers the boat. Jason loads up on murder gear. A... what the golly, is that a whaling harpoon?

Even First Mate Jim thinks the admiral is full of poo. I've seen youtube vids where people admire the outside of bridge kill, but it really is something special with the weather. Like, however how bad the movie is, this is a good shot.

And yeah, Jim gets harpooned, admiral gets a machete necktie.

I usually don't spoil the kills, but we're almost free of this!

We actually get an honest reaction here. Sean finds his dad and he is destroyed. I dig it, that's way better than "THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE YOU GUYS"

They even try to contact the coast guard, like adults!

Okay, everyone naffs up immediately. That... was expected.

Like there is the boxing crew, camera dork, Lez bean protaganist, and the people who actually stayed on the bridge.

Token asian wanders off to die. I wonder if her "character design" had any input on Jubilation lee from the x-men.

One criticism of this film is that Jason teleports, and holy poo he does.

Stereotype asian girl is screwed. She dies. It's... a little sad I guess? Still teleporting cowpoo.

Muscle crew rounded up weapons. people take fire axes, pokers.

Juilius takes nothing... except a shotgun. I like his moxy!

Camera perv dual weilds his 1980's video camera and a shotgun. While I'd like to see his arm break, he's probably just going to die.

Oh golly, Wayne murdered a guy! We haven't seen that poo since V!  Eh, Wayne sucked anyway.

He doesn't have long to ruminate on his sins. Jason throws him into an electrical murder panel. That's convenient.

Ship is now on fire, everyone is bent.

No name muscle crew purple sweater dies. NOOOOO I waas so invested in that guy!

Jason totally teleport killed that politician.

Julius jogs and rocks CQB with the shotgun. He finds purple dude.

Oh snap, Jason doesn't bother killing him, just chucks the politician overboard!

Jason tries to PVP writer madam with his ghost self and Mr. Hockey mask. Jason loses an eye.

Ship is super bent, the entire power room explodes.

Teacher lady consigns all the other survivors to a painful death, principal dipshit is in the kitchen with a flare gun. Flare gun isn't a... Bad choice, but supernatural golly, I want a shotgun and some rocksalt.

Ship is taking on water, the power room is now the least of their problems. This is a very real nightmare, no hockey scallywag needed.

Deckhand was a red herring. As if they didn't already pull this poo in a prior film.

80's movies sure had a hardon for supernatural lightning.

Julius pops up like "yeah, what of it"

The dog is also alive in the lifeboat.

Apparently we're headed to New... Vancouver!

No emergency radio, they're bent.

Alright, it's cheap, but them rowing up on the statue of liberty is pretty dope. But they're not going to actual NY.

oh what the poo, drug rapists. Jason actually serves a purpose for once. Killing them. Damn Canadian drug addicts!

Jason decides being an anti-hero isn't for him, and decides to murder Julius.

First person to really PVP Jason. It's... not super effective. Like you'd just golly your knuckles up on his mask or skeleton in garbage bag construction.

Honestly, I think Jason is confused. He lets Julius punch him for a while.

Renee? Super high on weird drugs.

There's like, ONE alley in NYC, this movie has considerably more. There is a documentary about court alley.

Jason gets the drop on everyone in a manner that is not particularly believable.

Jason eats a police cruiser for pulling said prank.

Well, that was a short escape, the cruiser eats a barricade. Hippie Dippie teacher explodes in the crusier.

That's, an oddly brutal death for one of the few supportive adults in the series.

We get a flashback in a spot fire, it's a poo callback to the first movie.

Why is uncle fuckbag still alive!?

Introspection over, Jason is back, I guess the Uncle is on express route now.

Yup, drowned in a vat of sewage.

Honestly, the NYC in this film looks more like newark.

The two teens kiss real weird.


The teens skip a turnstile.


It's like Terminator, but retarded.

oh, that's a good plan, they drop hockey golly on the 3rd rail.

OK, we actually hit NYC!

The waitress is unsympathetic, the dishwasher... dies.

Funny enough, that dishwasher would later go on to... play Jason Vorhees.

Okay, the New York thing didn't last long, now they're in sewers. could be anywhere.
The sanitation worker is a random "that guy" seriously, I googled it, and regret doing so.

They DID clean up the spine back from the previous film, now Jason is just perpetually slimy.

Oh god, they knocked the mask off and this one is damn' DUMB

Like the one in Carrie Vs. Jason was scary, this one is a friggin Mcdonalds monster.

Hah, the fear of drowning from FVJ comes into play here. The sewers of NY flood every night at midnight, don't you know.

NYC eats a 10 second lightning storm.

The hockey monster voorhees is washed awy, and leaves behind the corpse of a normal child, instead of the golly-eyed mess Savini came up with.

Sooo... two teenagers, entire graduating class murdered.

Sean's future and father are totally damn' dead.

But the dog survived. Honestly, I blubbered a bit, I'm a sucker for collies.

And THAT'S the end of Paramount F13.

Honestly, I regret watching this movie, and got real liquored up. I guess that accounts for the incoherence and length of review.

This was not a good movie. Even the charming notes of prior films were absent.

Like, I kinda want to tour the cruise ship, but that's cowpoo.

This movie would have bent me up if I saw it when I was four, that first boat, I lived there, that was my house. Like you never see the bathroom, but I know where it is on that boat!